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Product reviews for Sex and Love at Midlife
Erica J. W. Kanewischer, MS, LMFT, University of Minnesota, Minneapolis, MN
Hope and encouragement run through this book, which was published by the author's brother after Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld died shortly before the book came out. Through 145 individual interviews with people over the age of 45, Dr. Zilbergeld has gathered stories detailing the intimate sex lives of this group, and discovered that many of society's stereotypes and assumptions foretelling that sex and desire shrivel up as one grows older are false. The book begins by dispelling these stereotypes, as well as providing a lengthy, realistic examination of the process of aging and illness and their effect on an individual's desire and ability to have an active sex life. The author shares the stories of those interviewed, classifying those that continue to have satisfying love lives as “lovers.” Dr. Zilbergeld shares the “lovers” secrets to aintaining a passionate and active sex life in a committed relationship and encourages readers to make changes in their own lives. He also highlights what not to do and how relationships can end up stale and unfulfilling.
The author encourages above all communication and acceptance, as well as willingness to seek help, for couples to maintain a satisfying and active sex life as they age.
A strength of this book is the approachability of the writing. The book is written in a conversational style, and the author's perspective and voice are engaging and present throughout. Another strength is the quotes used to illustrate the author's points. The stories of the participants in this research are interesting and engaging. They bring to life the claims that the author makes. An additional strength comes toward the end of the book where the author presents checklists for the reader to complete and assess his or her own relationship and how it could be improved. A final strength of this book is that it is realistic and does not attempt to gloss over the real trials that couples face as they age. Instead, it is encouraging and supportive of couples in finding new ways to connect emotionally and physically even as their bodies change due to age and/or illness.
The main weakness of this book is that it was rather repetitive in its remarks and messages. Main themes were repeated multiple times with multiple examples; this makes for a lengthy book. The main message normalizing that “sex changes as you age but it doesn't have to get worse, in fact it can get better,” could have been shortened. As a clinician I thought that I already knew much of the information presented. It was a good reminder, but beyond that it did not open up new insights. When I consider recommending this book to couples, I would worry that they might think that a book of this length could be daunting. Most of the stories of individuals that the author interviewed are more than two pages long and, though they are very interesting, can be lengthy.
For most clinicians this book will likely present little new or novel information. However, if you are a clinician whose main client base is older or dealing with illness, this could be an excellent reference and recommendation to clients who themselves are dealing with issues around dissatisfaction in their sex life. Reading this could help them to feel less alone and give them hope that things can improve.
The author encourages above all communication and acceptance, as well as willingness to seek help, for couples to maintain a satisfying and active sex life as they age.
A strength of this book is the approachability of the writing. The book is written in a conversational style, and the author's perspective and voice are engaging and present throughout. Another strength is the quotes used to illustrate the author's points. The stories of the participants in this research are interesting and engaging. They bring to life the claims that the author makes. An additional strength comes toward the end of the book where the author presents checklists for the reader to complete and assess his or her own relationship and how it could be improved. A final strength of this book is that it is realistic and does not attempt to gloss over the real trials that couples face as they age. Instead, it is encouraging and supportive of couples in finding new ways to connect emotionally and physically even as their bodies change due to age and/or illness.
The main weakness of this book is that it was rather repetitive in its remarks and messages. Main themes were repeated multiple times with multiple examples; this makes for a lengthy book. The main message normalizing that “sex changes as you age but it doesn't have to get worse, in fact it can get better,” could have been shortened. As a clinician I thought that I already knew much of the information presented. It was a good reminder, but beyond that it did not open up new insights. When I consider recommending this book to couples, I would worry that they might think that a book of this length could be daunting. Most of the stories of individuals that the author interviewed are more than two pages long and, though they are very interesting, can be lengthy.
For most clinicians this book will likely present little new or novel information. However, if you are a clinician whose main client base is older or dealing with illness, this could be an excellent reference and recommendation to clients who themselves are dealing with issues around dissatisfaction in their sex life. Reading this could help them to feel less alone and give them hope that things can improve.
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24/01/2012 00:00
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