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Product reviews for Sex and Love at Midlife
Dr Michael Perring,2004,Sexual and Relationship Therapy Magazine
I wanted to review Bernie Zilbergeld's book on sex and aging because I have admired his straightforward style and enthusiasm for the subject and because I have used his earlier books, Male Sexuality and The New Male Sexuality, with my clients for 25 years.
An appraisal of his work is timely as Bernie died in 2002 from long-standing diabetes. As a result he came to live some of the difficulties he was describing: Sex & Love at Midlife: It's Better Than Ever became the vehicle for learning more about the complex subject of sexuality and intimacy from the inside out as well as from the couples that were the cornerstone of his research.
Part 1 of the book deals with the myths and realities of sex and aging, the normal physical changes in men and women at midlife, challenges of midlife sexuality, (medical and otherwise) and the advantages of mature sex. He quotes Leslie Shover (Shover, 2000) who describes the heightened risk of sexual problems in chronic illness, and balances this with the 1984 findings of Edward Brecher who, working with a similar population, suggests that those couples who value erotic expression, will find ways to express their sexuality.
Part 2 is the heart of the book. In it he describes the findings of 145 interviews with men and women aged 45 to 87. He distinguishes between a group he classifies as the Lovers, comparing them to the Non-Lovers who had either no partner, sex or less than satisfactory sex. He quickly identifies the quality of the relationship between people as defining the success of their shared sexuality and from the interviews he identifies the qualities that make for a good relationship. He cites respect and liking for one another; trust and, by inference, commitment to the relationship; acceptance of who the other is, rather than who they would like them to be; a willingness to deal with problems as they arise; attentiveness and appreciation of one another verbally, for instance with complements and appreciation and by maintaining physical contact. Finally he suggests it's helpful if one member of a couple has equanimity!
The book is written in a readable and easy style. It is intended -˜for anyone who wants to learn about the actual and potential sexuality of women and men who are no longer ... who want to enhance their own lovemaking' and all professional helpers -˜who work with the intimate aspects of the lives of mature adults'.
An appraisal of his work is timely as Bernie died in 2002 from long-standing diabetes. As a result he came to live some of the difficulties he was describing: Sex & Love at Midlife: It's Better Than Ever became the vehicle for learning more about the complex subject of sexuality and intimacy from the inside out as well as from the couples that were the cornerstone of his research.
Part 1 of the book deals with the myths and realities of sex and aging, the normal physical changes in men and women at midlife, challenges of midlife sexuality, (medical and otherwise) and the advantages of mature sex. He quotes Leslie Shover (Shover, 2000) who describes the heightened risk of sexual problems in chronic illness, and balances this with the 1984 findings of Edward Brecher who, working with a similar population, suggests that those couples who value erotic expression, will find ways to express their sexuality.
Part 2 is the heart of the book. In it he describes the findings of 145 interviews with men and women aged 45 to 87. He distinguishes between a group he classifies as the Lovers, comparing them to the Non-Lovers who had either no partner, sex or less than satisfactory sex. He quickly identifies the quality of the relationship between people as defining the success of their shared sexuality and from the interviews he identifies the qualities that make for a good relationship. He cites respect and liking for one another; trust and, by inference, commitment to the relationship; acceptance of who the other is, rather than who they would like them to be; a willingness to deal with problems as they arise; attentiveness and appreciation of one another verbally, for instance with complements and appreciation and by maintaining physical contact. Finally he suggests it's helpful if one member of a couple has equanimity!
The book is written in a readable and easy style. It is intended -˜for anyone who wants to learn about the actual and potential sexuality of women and men who are no longer ... who want to enhance their own lovemaking' and all professional helpers -˜who work with the intimate aspects of the lives of mature adults'.
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14/12/2004 00:00
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